To one who loves her Nitty Nats
Good wishes come today
Let’s paws and just wait un-tail
We all say what we want to say
Mostly, that we love you lots
And hope you’re feline fine
We think you’re just the cat’s meow
And purr-fect all the time
So celebrate another year
Enjoy your special day Who knows?
One day a tom might come
And whisker you away!
Your pal,
M. Schroeder
February, 1993
[Tune: My Favorite Things]
NEW COURSE REQUEST FORMS
AND COURSE CHANGES ALSO
CONCURRENCE IS NEEDED FOR INSTRUCTIONAL COUNCIL
FIFTEEN SETS ALL TIED UP WITH STRING
CURRICULUM IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS
TITLE 5 REQUIREMENTS NEEDED
NO COURSE OUTLINE ATTACHED
AND/OR INCOMPLETED
VERIFICATION, STANDARDS CRITERIA, I SAY:
I CANNOT PROCESS FOR SEVERAL DAYS
WHEN THE DEANS BARK
WHEN THE CHAIRS SCREAM
WHEN INSTRUCTORS CRY
I SIMPLY REMIND THEM THAT THEY MUST COMPLY
WITH 5300 AND TITLE 5 !!
M. SCHROEDER
October 28, 1988
LEONORA LIVES IN A TOWN UP NORTH
SHE’S CUTE AND QUITE PETITE
SHE PLAYS PIANO AND DANCES GREAT
AND SINGS RIGHT TO THE BEAT
WITH HER MAN, HARRY, WHO’S SUCH A CHARM
THEY OFTEN “DO-THE-TOWN”
HE TAKES HER TO KARAOKE CLUBS
SO SHE REALLY GETS AROUND
THE MUSIC STARTS AND SHE BEGINS
TO SING, WITH HER FACE AGLOW
“LA BAMBA” PLAYS AND SHE BECOMES
TEMUCULA’S WILD WEST SHOW
WHEN THE NIGHT DRAWS TO A CLOSE
AND HER VOICE BEGINS TO MELLOW
THE WINE IS GONE; HER MIND’S A BLUR
BUT SHE GOES HOME WITH THE RIGHT FELLOW
M. Schroeder
August 3, 1992
THERE IS SOMETHING I CANNOT RESIST
TO WRITE ABOUT THIS LOAD ON DI’s WRIST
IT STRIKES ME QUITE FUNNY
KNOWING THAT WITH VERY LITTLE MONEY
400 BANANAS BOUGHT JUST COULDN’T BE MISSED
OF COURSE WITH DON’S CLEVER EYE
NEVER WILL A GOOD DEAL GO BY
ADS AND COUPONS HE’LL USE
MARKET CASHIERS IN AWE, BUT AMUSED
A WEEK’S GROCERIES, FOR A BUCK NINETY-FIVE?
AND SO AS LIFE GOES ON
THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A DI AND A DON
WHETHER IT’S BANANAS OR JELLO
SHE’S A GREAT GAL; HE A FRUGAL FELLOW
SHALL I GO ON AND ON AND ON??
M. Schroeder
August 1, 1991
(Dedicated To Tanya Ness)
THERE ONCE WAS A CUTE GAL NAMED BRAT
WHO WAS JUST LIKE HER MOM AND NOT FAT
BUT SHE SLIPPED UP ONE DAY
PUCE-DYED HER HAIR WHILE MOM WAS AWAY
AND THOUGHT IT WOULD BE THE END OF THAT
BUT OF COURSE MUCH TO HER OWN SURPRISE
MOM SAID, “THAT REALLY WASN’T SO WISE.”
SO THEY FUSSED AND THEY FOUGHT
‘TIL MOM WAS SO DISTRAUGHT
SO AT HOME BRAT MUST WEAR A DISGUISE
SO AS THE SAGA GOES ON
BRAT ‘N MOM WILL STILL GET ALONG
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO ABUSE
AND THE COLOR OF PUCE
THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A RIGHT AND A WRONG
M. Schroeder
June 26, 1991
I THINK THAT I SHALL ALWAYS CRAVE
THOSE PRUNES WITH PITS THAT I SHALL SAVE
TO START A COLLECTION OF DIFFERENT SIZES
WITH SOME CONTAINING UNUSUAL SURPRISES
SURPRISES THAT MAY INCLUDE A WORM
ALL PETRIFIED IN GLORY….NO WAY TO SQUIRM
OR MIGHT I FIND SOMETHING RARE
THAT I COULD CHERISH AND POSSIBLY WEAR?
OH WELL, OH DEAR, OH PRUNES DON’T FEAR
YOUR LEGACY SPEAKS FROM THE REAR
NO MATTER WHAT THEY ALL MAY SAY
I’LL STILL EAT MY PRUNES, EVERY DAY
M. Schroeder
January, 1990
(Tune: Moonglow)
IT MUST HAVE BEEN MOON PIES
THAT GAVE ME THE CLUE
IT MUST HAVE BEEN MOON PIES
THAT LED ME STRAIGHT TO YOU
THE GRAHAM-CRACKER COOKIES
SURROUND ALL THE WHITE
YUM, MARSHMALLOW FILLING
CHOCOLATE-COVERED DELIGHT
I….CAN STILL REMEMBER WHERE
THAT HARDWARE STORE
OH, ANOTHER “RC AND MOON PIE” AFFAIR
AND NOW THAT THERE’S MOON PIES
ALL OVER THIS LAND
ONE HAS AN EXCUSE NOW
FOR VERY, STICKY HANDS
YOU….AND I WERE MEANT TO BE
PART OF THE GREAT, BIG
CHATTANOOGA MOON PIE FAMILY
MY SONG AND MY STORY’S
ABOUT TO CONCLUDE
BUT, I’LL ALWAYS REMEMBER
THAT MOON PIES GAVE ME YOU
THAT MOON PIES GAVE ME YOU
THAT MOON PIES….GAVE…..ME…..YOU!
M. Clary
First Written, September, 1991
THE THIN, TATOOED TUTOR TOLD THE THIRTY-THREE TUTEES THAT THEIR TENDENCY TO TOLERATE TIGHT TANGERINE TUTUS THREATENED THEATRICAL THEORY.
THINKING THIS THROUGH, THE TEQUILA-TIPSY, TITILLATING TUTEES TOE-DANCED THEIR TEN TINY TOES TO TWANGY TRUMPET TUNES, TRYING TO TUNEUP THEIR TAP-DANCING TROUPE TRAVELING ‘TIL TWILIGHT TO TORONTO, TOMORROW (TUESDAY).
THEN, THURSDAY, THE TROUPE OF TUTEES TRAVEL TO TOLEDO, TULSA, TIPPECANOE, TIJUANA, THEN TO TIMBUKTU TO TAKE THE TUTOR’S TOUPEE TO TERRANCE THE TURBAN-WEARING, TRIPLE-TANNED, TUBA-TOTING, TROUBLE-MAKING TWIT TO TRY TIDYING THE TINTED, TYE-DYED, TRI-COLORED, TOUSLED TRESSES.
THINKING THIS THROUGH, TERRANCE TOLD THE TRIO (TYLER, TROY, TRENT) TO TAKE THE TOUPEE TO TWO TWENTY-TWO TENNINGTON TERRACE TO TRY TRANSFORMING THE TRENDY TRIBAL TRESSES THROUGH TRAUMATIZATION!!
M. Schroeder
Late 1980’s
Well, I came to Alabama
Drove southwest to Orrville town
Stopped to eat at CORNER OAKS
The best restaurant around
A fine old mansion; I was impressed
So I stepped inside to see
Was greeted by the friendly folk
That southern hospitality
I ordered stir-fry vegetables
With shrimp scattered through and through
It was seasoned with a special spice
And I didn’t have a clue
So I asked the waitress, Ollie
But she would not spill the beans
For Chef Bill’s secret recipe
Could not be shared, it seems
I begged and pleaded on bended knee
So she went back to the kitchen
And very soon, Chef Bill appeared
Smiling, ’cause I had mentioned
That his cooking I so much enjoyed
And the magic from his pan
Would remain within my memory
I’d be his biggest fan
I suppose he took some pity
Upon this gal from way out west
He gave me the information
So I wouldn’t have to guess
M. Schroeder
April 26, 1991
[Tune: Jingle Bells ]
Here We Are — Here We Are
To Spend Some Time With You
One Plus Four — And Then one more
Aren’t We A Motley Crew? Oh!
Here We Are — Here We Are
We’ve Traveled Long And Far
From Californ To Memphis Town
We ventured In Our Car
CHORUS:
Driving In The Rain….It Surely Was A Pain
O’er Desert And The Plain….And Potholes In Our Lane
It Gave Us Such A Thrill….With Clary At The Wheel
Oh What Fun It Was Until He Made Us Very Ill
Ohhhhhhhhh!
Here We Are — Here We Are
To Spend Some Time With You
One Plus Four And Then one more
Aren’t We A Motley Crew? Oh!
Here We Are — Here We Are
Your Faces Show Elation
We Can See How Glad You Are
To Share CHRISTMAS VACATION.
M. Schroeder
December, 1991 (Memphis)