An Elephant Song – Tantor

March 25th, 2006

[TUNE: MARIA]

 

OH TANTOR, I ONCE MET AN “ELE” NAMED TANTOR

THEN SUDDENLY I FOUND

HE’D FALLEN ON THE GROUND….BELOW

 

OH TANTOR, POACHERS HAVE FINALLY FOUND YOU

BUT THERE’S NO NEED TO FEAR

THEY’RE NOT LOOKING FOR YOUR EARS, AT ALL

 

OH TANTOR, YOUR IVORIES ARE SO PRICELESS

THEY CAN MAKE PIANO KEYS AND SCRIMSHAW ARTISTRY ….SO FINE

 

OH TANTOR, BELT IT LOUD, IT’S LIKE MUSIC PLAYING

BELT IT SOFT, AND IT’S ALMOST LIKE SPRAYING

OH TANTOR….I’LL NEVER STOP SAYING,

“OH TANTORRRRRRR”

 

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PACHYDERM….I EVER SAWWW

OH TAAAANNNNTOOOORRRR !!!

 

M. Schroeder

1987

Retirement Song for Lewis “Valentine” Acord

March 25th, 2006

[Tune: Ode To Billy Joe] WELL IT’S OCTOBER 27TH, ANOTHER SAN DIEGO DAY WE HEAR THAT LEW ACORD’S RETIRIN’ FROM THE DISTRICT WHAT’S THAT YOU SAY? YOU SAY HE’S LEAVIN’ HIS WORK BEHIND FOR SOME FINER THINGS IN LIFE LIKE FISHIN’ IN MONTANA, HUGGIN’ GRANDKIDS, EVEN HIS WIFE AND ADMINISTRATIVE SERVICES, THEY NEVER WILL BE THE SAME BECAUSE NOW EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT “VALENTINE” IS LEWIS ACORD’S MIDDLE NAME !! HE WON’T BE CRUISIN’ DOWN THE HALLWAYS AT THE PLAZA, ANYMORE AND WE SURE ARE GONNA MISS THOSE FUNNY JOKES FROM HIS MEMORY STORE AND ALL THE FOLKS THAT USE TO COME TO LEW FOR COUNSELING AND ADVICE ARE GONNA THINK ABOUT THE POLICY/PROCEDURES MAYBE ONCE OR TWICE AND ADMINISTRATIVE SERVICES; THEY NEVER WILL BE THE SAME BECAUSE NOW EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT “VALENTINE” IS LEWIS ACORD’S MIDDLE NAME !! M. Schroeder Late 1980’s

Retirement “Battle Song” For Colonel Rod Smith

March 25th, 2006

[Tune: US Marines Battle Song – “From The Shores Of Montezuma”]

 

From the halls of S.D.C.C.D.

To the doors of E.C.C.

Rod smith taught our students grammar

In the classroom; in the street

 

First to fight for education’s freedom

And to keep our standards high

We are proud to claim this statement:

“Our District Mission Will Survive”

 

For all the years you’ve given us

We are grateful that you stayed

 You’ve contributed to our success

We say “Thanks” for the role you played

 

 Here’s our wish for health and happiness

As you leave us all with gloom

 We’ve been very proud to serve with you

But now we all will have more room

 

As you close the door on this career

 We know you’ll be just fine

 You’ve instilled in us the courage

To go forward to our front lines

 

And if CITY, MESA, MIRAMAR

 Ever look to heaven’s scenes

They will find the streets are guarded

By Colonel Smith of E.C.C

 

We Salute You & Thank You!

M. Schroeder-Clary

Late 1980’s

Retirement of Kay Craven – Song 2

March 25th, 2006

[Tune: Cottonfields]

 

WHEN SHE WAS A LITTLE BITTY BABY

HER MOMMA WOULD ROCK HER IN THE CRADLE

SAYING, YOU’LL BE AN OFFICE TECH SOME DAY.

 

THEN WHEN SHE GOT A LITTLE BIT OLDER

SHE BECAME JUST A LITTLE BIT BOLDER

AND TOOK OFF FOR CALI-FOR-NIA.

 

WITH THE HELP OF A LITTLE BIT OF KNOWLEDGE

SHE LANDED A JOB AT MESA COLLEGE

THIS WAS IN JULY OF 1968.

 

WORKING CLOSE WITH THE DEAN OF STUDENTS 

YOU’D BETTER HAVE A HELL OF A LOT OF PRUDENCE

AND KAY CRAVEN NEVER ONCE WAS LATE.

 

NOW WHEN THOSE STUDENTS GIVE HER TROUBLE

SHE WOULD GENTLY BURST THEIR BUBBLE SAYING,

“YOU’RE AT MESA COLLEGE, NOW.”

 

THEN SHE WENT TO STADIUM PLAZA

ALSO KNOW AS GARLANDS CASTLE

WHERE SHE WORKED FOR FIFTEEN YEARS AND MORE.

 

IT’S THERE SHE MADE A LOT OF FRIENDS

BUT ALL GOOD THINGS HAVE TO END

NOW SHE’S HEADED FOR THE EXIT DOOR

 

NOW SHE’LL LIVE “THE LIFE OF RILEY”

WRITING POEMS AND THINKING HIGHLY

OF THE CREW AT PLAZA’S FIRST FLOOR

 

WHEN SHE WAS A LITTLE BITTY BABY

HER MOMMA WOULD ROCK HER IN THE CRADLE

SAYING, YOU’LL BE AN OFFICE TECH SOME DAY

SAYING, YOU’LL BE AN OFFICE TECH SOME DAY.

 

M. Schroeder-Clary

Late 1980’s

Retirement of Kay Craven – Song 1

March 25th, 2006

[Tune: On Top Of ‘Ol Smokey]

 

WE LOVE YOU KAY CRAVEN

IT BRINGS US A TEAR

 TO KNOW YOU’RE RETIRING

WHILE WE ARE STILL HERE

 

 THERE WILL BE SOME SADNESS

THERE WILL BE SOME GLOOM

BUT THERE IS A BRIGHT SIDE

YOU’LL LEAVE US MORE ROOM

 

 YOU KNOW WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE

WHEN THEY ALL REQUEST

TO TRADE IN THEIR OLD ONE

FOR YOUR NEWER DESK

 

 WE’RE GOING TO MISS YOU

BUT JUST TO BE FAIR

YOUR FRIEND, DORIS RELYEA

HAS DUBS ON YOUR CHAIR

 

CO-WORKERS AND BOSSES

THEY COME AND THEY GO

BUT THERE’S ONLY ONE

AUGIE GALLEGO

 

THERE’S LYNN AND THERES ESPIE

AND THERE’S LARRY BROWN

THEY’LL HAVE ONE LESS PERSON

TO BOSS AROUND

 

 YOU MAY NOT BELIEVE THIS

BUT IT’S REALLY TRUE

THE ONLY CRAVIN’

WILL BE FOR YOU!!

 

 M. Schroeder-Clary

 Late 1980’S

Ode To A Coffee Cup-Commode

March 25th, 2006

I DON’T CARE IF YOU MAKE FUN

OF COFFEE CUPS I USE

I’LL GRIN AND BEAR IT

ACCEPT THE INSULTS

THAT GO WITH “CUP ABUSE”

 

COMMODE, YOU SAY?

WELL, I DON’T KNOW, IF I AGREE WITH YOU

BUT THEN, AGAIN, ON SECOND THOUGHT

I COULD BUY SOMETHING NEW

 

HOWEVER, IT’S QUITE POSSIBLE

I MIGHT NOT BE AS HAPPY

IF I SHOULD SUBSTITUTE THIS PRECIOUS CUP

FOR ONE THAT’S OLD AND CRAPPY.

 

M. Schroeder

1986

The Night Lori Had Bad Gas

March 25th, 2006

SHE SAT AT THE MEETING ONE NIGHT

HER TUMMY JUST DIDN’T FEEL RIGHT

WONDERED WHEN THE MEETING WOULD BE ENDING

 AS SHE WATCHED HER STOMACH DISTENDING

 

PLAIN AND SIMPLE, SHE JUST ATE TOO MUCH

ITALIAN, CHINESE, MEXICAN AND SUCH

 NEVER AGAIN, WOULD SHE GET THIS BLOATED

 SHE WAS SO STUFFED THAT SHE NEARLY FLOATED

 

INTO THE AIR, MS. LORI DID GO

OH, SO OBVIOUS; NOW EVERYONE WOULD KNOW

SO SHE PRESSED ON HER TUMMY AND TO HER SURPRISE

 THE ONLY THING PUFFED OUT WAS HER PRETTY, BROWN EYES

 

 AS SHE MOVED TO THE BACK OF THE ROOM

 WITH A QUIET, BUT DEADLY VA, VA, VAAAAAAAAROOOOOOOM

 EVERYONE CHEERED, AS SHE DISAPPEARED

THANK HEAVEN SHE STILL HAS HER CAREER !!

 

M. Schroeder

 1990

The Infamous Clintons

March 25th, 2006

THERE ONCE WAS A POLITICIAN NAMED CLINTON

WHO KEPT ONE MISTRESS WELL-HIDDEN

UNTIL ONE DAY, SHE DECIDED TO SAY:

“FIRST LAYDHOOD, I’D LIKE TO BE GETTING.”

 

 OF COURSE, BILL’S WIFE WAS SURPRISED

SHE CONFRONTED HIM WITH HER EVIL EYES

“ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. YOU THINK YOU’RE TOUGH?

 YOU’D BE NOTHING WITHOUT ALL MY TIES!”

 

THE MEDIA HAD IT’S HEY-DAY

WHEN MS. HILLARY DECIDED TO SAY:

“I’M NO STAND BY YOUR MAN….WON’T BAKE, THOUGH I CAN

 BUT I’LL SUPPORT BILL IN EVERY WAY.

 

SO AS THEY CONTINUE THEIR PLIGHT

BILL ‘N HILL WILL CONTINUE TO FIGHT

 ‘N GOVERNOR JERRY (BROWN) WILL ALWAYS BE WARY

FOR HE KNOW’S THEY CAN’T TELL WRONG FROM RIGHT !!

 

M. SCHROEDER

 1992

Farewell To Kim Van Beenen – Song

March 25th, 2006

[Tune: Bingo] 

THERE IS A SASSY GAL WE KNOW

AND KIMBO IS HER NAME, OH

K-I-M-B-O, K-I-M-B-O, K-I-M-B-O

AND KIMBO IS HER NAME, OH

 

TO SAKS OR NORDY’S SHE DOES GO

YES, KIMBO’S QUITE A DAME, OH

K-I-M-B-O, K-I-M-B-O, K-I-M-B-O

AND KIMBO IS HER NAME, OH

 

TIMECARDS, MINUTES, A.P.G

THAT KIMBO’S TAKEN CARE, OH

K-I-M-B-O, K-I-M-B-O, K-I-M-B-O

AND KIMBO IS HER NAME, OH

 

NOW SHE IS ABOUT TO LEAVE

OH KIMBO, IT’S NOT FAIR, OH

K-I-M-B-O, K-I-M-B-O, K-I-M-B-O

AND KIMBO IS HER NAME, OH

 

FROM THE S.D.C.C.D.

KIMBO LEAVES US SAD, OH

K-I-M-B-O, K-I-M-B-O, K-I-M-B-O

AND KIMBO IS HER NAME, OH

 

ON TO WATER COMPANY

KIMBO’LL MAKE ‘EM GLAD, OH

K-I-M-B-O, K-I-M-B-O, K-I-M-B-O

AND KIMBO IS HER NAME, OH

 

IF SHE DECIDES TO COME BACK

KIMBO TELL US WHEN, OH

K-I-M-B-O, K-I-M-B-O, K-I-M-B-O

AND KIMBO IS HER NAME, OH

 

SO WE CAN BUY TWO 6-PAKS

AND GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN, OH

K-I-M-B-O, K-I-M-B-O, K-I-M-B-O

AND KIMBO IS HER NAME, OH

AND KIMBO IS HER NAME, OH

 

M. Schroeder-Clary

1990

Farewell To Kim Van Beenen – Poem

March 25th, 2006

I WANTED TO COMPOSE A SONG AND SING FAREWELL TO YOU I TRIED AND TRIED BUT GOT CHOKED UP I STARTED FEELING BLUE BUT THEN I SOON REMEMBERED YOU’RE NOT GONE BUT JUST “ON LEAVE” YOU’LL BE BACK IN ONE SHORT YEAR THIS I MUST BELIEVE KIM, YOU ARE ONE “TOP NOTCH” GAL YOUR REPLACEMENT I MIGHT DREAD SHE WON’T BE AS EFFICIENT I’D RATHER HAVE YOU, INSTEAD OF COURSE, FOR NOW, I MUST RELEASE GOOD WISHES THAT ARE REAL MAY YOU HAVE LOTS OF LOVE AND LUCK THAT’S EXACTLY HOW I FEEL M. SCHROEDER 1990