In My Own Write

[TUNE: MARIA]

OH TANTOR, I ONCE MET AN “ELE” NAMED TANTOR

THEN SUDDENLY I FOUND

HE’D FALLEN ON THE GROUND….BELOW

OH TANTOR, POACHERS HAVE FINALLY FOUND YOU

BUT THERE’S NO NEED TO FEAR

THEY’RE NOT LOOKING FOR YOUR EARS, AT ALL

OH TANTOR, YOUR IVORIES ARE SO PRICELESS

THEY CAN MAKE PIANO KEYS AND SCRIMSHAW ARTISTRY ….SO FINE

OH TANTOR, BELT IT LOUD, IT’S LIKE MUSIC PLAYING

BELT IT SOFT, AND IT’S ALMOST LIKE SPRAYING

OH TANTOR….I’LL NEVER STOP SAYING,

“OH TANTORRRRRRR”

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PACHYDERM….I EVER SAWWW

OH TAAAANNNNTOOOORRRR !!!

M. Schroeder

1987

<Sung to the tune of Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer) Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh…………. Good ‘ol Rueben-Luther Rudolph Thought that he was quite the man He was a “surprise” addition In the hen house, near Willis Produce stand He could not have ever imagined How his life would quickly change He snuck in with a batch of pullets All smitten, though a bit deranged Then one cold and wintry day The hens exclaimed, indeed “Don’t need another rooster Eating up all our feed!” So they all banded together Gave him such a terrible time Pecked and drove him crazy Booted him in the behind Then the Mr. and the Mrs. Put him with some older hens They too, had no sympathy With Brewster-Rooster in the same pen Then one cold and wintry day Rueben-Luther ran out of luck He remained quite terrified When his feathers all got plucked Poor ‘ol Rueben-Luther Rudolph May go down in history How he ended up in the stew pot Still remains a mystery!!! M.Clary February 12, 2004

If I could be a flower — I would be a “Forget Me Not” I’d sit nicely by your side — just licking my chops I’d be looking for a handout – yet I would not ever beg And soon I would politely go — back to my bucket bed La La La La La — Dee Deet Dee Dee If I could be a dragon — I would have the name of “Puff” I’d throw away my old lime sweater — and other ugly stuff I’d like to live by a beautiful sea — instead of on that farm Where accidentally, I got locked up — inside the pasture barn La La La La La — Dee Deet Dee Dee If I could be a grapefruit — I would be the largest kind I’d be all firm and rounded — with very little rind I’d want to keep watch in the grove — near little Kolton’s place So I could keep the boogers away – so he always would feel safe La La La La La — Dee Deet Dee Dee If I could be a vegetable – I’d probably be a beet I’d be so very charming — since I’m really very sweet I’d visit all the old folks — who live in nursing homes I know they’d pet my head off – and I might even get a bone La La La La La — Dee Deet Dee Dee If I could be a human — I would change my name to Spike I’d buy myself a Harley – be the coolest dude on a bike I’d let my pony tail blow — in the windy air But wait! I don’t have one — as my back end is very bare La La La La La — Dee Deet Dee Dee But I am not a flower — nor dragon or grapefruit Or a dark red vegetable — or a biker with leather boots Just a rat terrier nicknamed Dewey — who’s pretty much content Since I never have to think about — paying any rent!! La La La La La — Dee Deet Dee Dee Yes, La La La La La — Dee Deet Hoo Hoo M. Clary November 21, 2003