A Trailerpark Christer Story

'Twas the week before Christer and me, Donnie Lee Went with momma to WalMart, to get pictures of me I got some new glasses, the 'duck' featherweight kind And we sipped on cappchino, while waitin' in line. My momma Doreen, she's done got a new style At Miss Dolly's Hair Heaven, 'cuzz it'd been quite awhile She was gettin' a perm, when it started to kink So Miss Dolly hid the back part, with a BIG ribbon of pink. My brother DelRoy, he's still sittin' in jail Doesn't eat a whole lot, that's why he's so frail He says jail cookin' keeps him nice and so trim And the muscles he sports? Works out at the gym. My granny D'Roselee is still a smokin' and bakin' But lately she's complained that her back's a been achin' So the family decided we'd all chip in and buy A back brace and cane from that flea market guy. My daddy Dexter's still in Arkansas Penn He'll get a visit from us, like the other prison men We'll bring him clean unders, some smokes, and Moon Pies And a book from the store called, "A Prisoner's Guide." We'll take along a poster-size print of his truck "Carwash Jinkins" did a good job, got it all dolled up Daddy will be grateful and he'll know who to thank 'Cuzz those men who done stole it, once robbed the town bank. Now little D'Twyluh – she's just so suuuuuweet Is a hopin' that Santy Claws will bring her some teeth She's now in 4th grade and the ones that she's missin' Are the ones she wants back, so she'll stop all that hissin.' Delvis Dee is still plannin' to become a physician He studies real hard and a he keeps on a wishin' That one day he'll make it to doctorin' school With his toy "Doctor's Kit," he's got all the right tools. Half-brother JimBob and Sharleen Poteet Still raise all those possum that are always in heat They got several hundred in a "lean-to" wood shed JimBob skinned a few once to make a hat for his head. My sister DeeLeen with her "Big 14" brood Says this Christer she ain't in a very good mood New husband Dewley done spent Section 8 dollars So life ain't so good down in Tuttweilers Holler. Cousins Jethro "Polecat" is now smellin' lots cleaner He also lost weight and is lookin' much leaner At nights he still plays in a rock 'n roll band But Saturdays 'n Sundays he's at the tomater stand. And Lawrence Winklemeister, this kid from my past Will get a new tombstone and this one should last It's made of fine marble from an Eyetalian quarry And not out of plastic. Now his momma won't worry. Remember those twins we use to throw things at? They went on some diet, now they ain't quite as fat They's now into high school and doin' real swell Why the girl she's a datin' some trucker named Dell. Of course we cannot forget 'ol Jake Scumm He's still riding' cycles and chewin' Skoal Gum After so many crashes, his speech ain't too good But he wears his blue helmet, like a boy in the hood. Last but not least is Big Uncle Marky He likes to wear minis when he goes to a party Cross dressin' to him is such a great gag The best part on him? A butt that don't sag. Merry Crister, Everbody!! M.Clary December 1, 2001

Leave a Reply